Two sides? To every story? Nah...

Back in 1978, I was a teenager living in Groves, Texas.  I had an after school job at a small local hospital doing yard-work and minor repairs.  That year, our town got hit by a minor hurricane.  Not real bad damage but there was significant flooding.  In parts of town, the water was 2 – 3 feet high.  As a result, a lot of the hospital staff was unable to get to work because their cars couldn’t make it through the water.

To everyone's surprise, the hospital's no-frills Chevy pickup was able to get through the deep water pretty well.  So my boss and I traded shifts driving staff members to and from work.  You can imagine that I thought this was pretty cool.  I got to drive around town when everybody else was stuck at home and take the nurses to and from work.  Pretty exciting stuff for a teenage boy…

At one point, I was driving down a major street trying to navigate some pretty deep water.  Because of the deep water I had to maintain a good forward speed.  If I slowed down too much, the water would get too far in the tailpipe and the engine would die.  Then all of a sudden I heard someone yell out “You better slow down or I’ll put you in the [blanking] hospital!”  I looked around and realized he was yelling at me! 

The businesses lining the street were battling the encroaching water and many of them had sandbags piled up to keep the floodwater out of their stores.  It was the owner of a local appliance store that was so angry at me.  It turns out that I was kicking up a pretty good wake and that the water was coming in over the sandbags.  He was doing his best to save his store and here I was making things worse for him!

Later on, I realized this was an example of how there are two sides to every story and, in some cases, both sides are right.  I was out there doing a good deed - the hospital employees needed to get to work in order to take care of patients.  But he was right – I was causing him even more damage than he had already suffered.

Just because you are right doesn't mean the other guy is wrong.

Fighting an army of your own making

"I've had thousands of problems, most of which never happened"
                                                          -- Mark Twain
                   
I love this quote because it reminds me to not spend time looking for trouble. 

Think back to the last time you had a difficult conversation with someone .  Not one that caught you by surprise but one that you knew was coming hours or even days in advance.  Perhaps it was with a family member, coworker or neighbor.  If you are like most people, you thought about this conversation before-hand and played it out in your mind a dozen different ways.  You came up with all the clever things you would say to put the other person in their place and ensure that They Knew You Were Right. 

Go ahead and admit it… you've done this before, haven't you?

The problem with writing the dialog before the other guy shows up is that you are programming yourself for conflict.  By focusing on the negative ways the conversation can go, you are doing everything you can to ensure it goes exactly that way.

Now, I'm all for prior planning and anticipating objections.  Airline pilots and astronauts are masters of this skill.  They spend countless hours identifying problems that can occur and practicing the correct response to each type of problem.  This way, they have the right response in mind should something happen.

Good salespeople do the same thing.  They know the most common objections that a customer may raise and have prepared responses to address those concerns.  Teachers know the types of problems students have and how to help them overcome those problems.  Broadway directors know things that may go wrong during a show and how to respond so that the show can go on.

But there is a difference between preparing a response to a specific objection/problem and daydreaming of ways to put the other person in their place.  The first is a productive use of your time and the second isn't.  Not only is it not productive, it is time that you could have spent coming up with meaningful, constructive ways to address the issue at hand.  So the next time you find yourself daydreaming about an upcoming verbal duel, stop yourself.  Don't do it.

Remember what Mark Twain said and don't create problems that aren't there.

Goal Setting as the Key to Success

Do you want more self-discipline?  Write down a goal, no matter how simple and then do it.  Repeat.

Over 100 years ago, a man named Orison Marden wrote the best-selling self-help book of his day. "Pushing to the Front" was a huge success and industry tycoons like Henry Ford praised it.   In it, the author said that to be successful, two things matter above all else.  "Get-To-It-iveness" and "Stick-To-It-iveness".  This is pretty obviously good advice and is a good springboard to talk about goal setting.

No matter what your definition of success, your happiness at work is part of it.  Whether you want to be a high powered executive or just keep food on the table and spend quality time with your family, then the solution is the same.  You have to be successful at work.  That doesn't mean you have to be a mover and shaker.  It means that you have to do your job as well as you can.  Even if all you want to do is to show up and work for 8 hours, then make those 8 hours the most productive hours possible.  How can you do that?

• Know what is expected of you.  Keep a task list and make sure you are working on those items.
• Set dates for yourself and complete those tasks by your dates.
• Add things to your list that your boss doesn't expect
• Get to it
• Stick to it

No-one wants to work at a job they don't like.  And almost everyone wants to do a job well and be recognized for their effort.  If you want to like your job, follow the simple steps above every day.  The sense of accomplishment you get from being productive and pleasing others will make your job more enjoyable.  Along with that will come the rewards that make it worthwhile, in the form of recognition, security,  pay raises and increased opportunities.

The other side-effect is that  when you go home at night, you can put work out of your mind.  You know for a fact that you worked on the most important tasks and stayed focused all day long.  No-one can ask more of you than that. 

No matter what you want out of your job, follow these steps and you will enjoy it more and be more successful at it.  And then you can devote more time and energy to your personal life.  That will put you in the driver's seat of your life.

(Part Two of )Are the shades open or shut?

In part 1 of this article, I told a story from my youth about how I learned the importance of keeping the shades open.  The literal interpretation of that story is all about your physical surroundings and how a positive environment can affect your attitude and even your health.  But there is a metaphorical side to that story that is just as important.

The well-lit hospital room in that story was a metaphor for your life.  Is it one filled with friendship, positive experiences and happiness?  Or have you surrounded yourself with situations and people that make your life feel like the shades are down?

One of my instructors in the martial arts taught me "Surround yourself with smart people and you become smart.  Surround yourself with nice people and you become nice.  Surround yourself with happy people and you become happy."

The easy way to end this article is for me to say something like "Start spending more time with the positive folks in your life and less time with the negative ones."  Sure, that's good advice and will help you develop more control over your own happiness but I'm going to go a different route...

If the people you see each day were to take stock of the folks in *their* life, which group would *you* end up in?  Would you be grouped with the smart, nice, happy ones?  Or would you be in the group that they want to minimize contact with? 

Are you comfortable with the answer to that question?

I suspect most of us are not 100% in one group or the other.  With some people, you are "good folk".  But with some, maybe you've developed behaviors that make you come across as difficult, negative or unhappy. 

Asking and answering questions like this about yourself is never easy.  And acting on those answers is even harder.