Fighting an army of your own making

"I've had thousands of problems, most of which never happened"
                                                          -- Mark Twain
                   
I love this quote because it reminds me to not spend time looking for trouble. 

Think back to the last time you had a difficult conversation with someone .  Not one that caught you by surprise but one that you knew was coming hours or even days in advance.  Perhaps it was with a family member, coworker or neighbor.  If you are like most people, you thought about this conversation before-hand and played it out in your mind a dozen different ways.  You came up with all the clever things you would say to put the other person in their place and ensure that They Knew You Were Right. 

Go ahead and admit it… you've done this before, haven't you?

The problem with writing the dialog before the other guy shows up is that you are programming yourself for conflict.  By focusing on the negative ways the conversation can go, you are doing everything you can to ensure it goes exactly that way.

Now, I'm all for prior planning and anticipating objections.  Airline pilots and astronauts are masters of this skill.  They spend countless hours identifying problems that can occur and practicing the correct response to each type of problem.  This way, they have the right response in mind should something happen.

Good salespeople do the same thing.  They know the most common objections that a customer may raise and have prepared responses to address those concerns.  Teachers know the types of problems students have and how to help them overcome those problems.  Broadway directors know things that may go wrong during a show and how to respond so that the show can go on.

But there is a difference between preparing a response to a specific objection/problem and daydreaming of ways to put the other person in their place.  The first is a productive use of your time and the second isn't.  Not only is it not productive, it is time that you could have spent coming up with meaningful, constructive ways to address the issue at hand.  So the next time you find yourself daydreaming about an upcoming verbal duel, stop yourself.  Don't do it.

Remember what Mark Twain said and don't create problems that aren't there.