Take Control: Lesson 3

Lesson 3

Other people can influence the events in your life

but how you respond to those events is entirely up to you.

 
You can travel the world and you will not find anyone that can control your thoughts. On the other hand, it is not hard to find people that can cause difficulties, present problems, be uncooperative or just plain rude. It is human nature to respond to rudeness with rudeness and anger with anger. But there is a key concept that will help you respond differently:

 

"It is almost never about you"

 
When someone behaves poorly in your presence and you get caught up in it, it is usually about something else… something that has nothing to do with you. By and large, people don't act poorly because of a deliberate choice. They are so caught up in their own problems that they don't consider how they are affecting others.


  You don't know what all is happening in that person's life. Do they have a sick family member? Did their spouse lose their job? Are they worried about bills they can't pay? Did they spill orange juice on their favorite shirt at breakfast, have a flat tire on the way to work and run into a curb as they pulled into the parking lot? Are they insecure and unhappy in their own lives? If they are curt, uncooperative or rude with you, it isn't about you. But if you respond in kind… all of a sudden it will be all about you. In that person's mind, you'll become the straw that broke the camel's back. Things will just get worse.

 
And if that happens, you'll simmer and seethe all day long. You'll mutter under your breath, talk dirt about that other person and go home griping about them. And when that happens, that person controlled your entire day, without even trying!

 
It is hard to do but you have to meet anger with tolerance and rudeness with patience. Ignore the other person's behavior and focus on making sure that your behavior is something you can be proud of. When you learn to do that, you will no longer be giving control of your life to the first rude person you meet each day.

Senior Head Instructor Brad Mears
Universal Kempo Karate Schools Association
at Frontier Elementary in Colorado Springs, CO
www.COSKarate.com

Take Control: Lesson 2

Lesson 2

Your attitude comes from your words not vice-versa.
Don't speak negatively unless you want to become negative.

 
There's an old saying that goes something like this:
 
Thought becomes word.
Word becomes action.
Action becomes habit.
And habit becomes character.

 
Too many people have developed bad habits when it comes to word choice. Ask the typical person how they are doing and you'll probably get a response like "Ohh... okay". Ask them about plans for the weekend and they say "Well… it will probably rain." Ask them how they enjoyed winning the Lotto and they'll complain about having to pay taxes on it!

 
Complaining may be a more addictive drug than nicotine or alcohol. If you smoke a cigarette or drink a beer, your body will process those chemicals and start the healing process immediately. But when you complain, your mind latches onto that thought, gives it a place to grow, nurtures it and builds an entire personality around it.

 
If you want control over your own life, start with your words. If someone asks how you doing, try one of the following answers:


    "Super good and getting better!"
    "If I was any better, I'd have to buy a bigger smile"
    "Fantastic but I'll improve"

 
Try it. Bring a smile to someone else's face and see how good your day will be. Or come up with one of your own if you don't want to use these. The point is to make sure your mouth constantly tells your mind how good your life is. And when you say it enough, you'll learn to focus on the happiness and disregard the minor hurdles.

 
Senior Head Instructor Brad Mears
Universal Kempo Karate Schools Association
at Frontier Elementary in Colorado Springs, CO
www.COSKarate.com

Take Control: Lesson 1

Lesson 1

The things that we say we "have to do" are actually things that we "choose to do" because we enjoy the benefits that doing them brings to our lives.

  Much of the stress we feel in our lives is self-imposed and comes from a bad verbal habit almost everyone suffers from. The phrase "I have to…" passes our lips so often that we don't realize the message it sends to our subconscious. Every time you say "I have to", your brain hears "someone else is making me". And if someone is making you do it, then clearly it must be bad and is not under your control. Sending this message to your subconscious many times a day eventually affects the way you view your role in your own life. So the first step is to break that programming.
 
You can change your subconscious programming by changing the inputs. For all the have-to's in your life, take a moment to rephrase them with "I choose" and finish the sentence by describing the benefit(s) that action brings.
 
I choose to go grocery shopping because ___________.
I choose to go to work because _______________.
I choose to go to the dentist because ______________.
I choose to walk the dogs because ______________.
 
Maybe you have examples from your own life that you want to use. Go ahead. Take the time to think about your have to's and realize that the benefits of each outweighs the cost of not doing them. Then stop telling yourself that someone else is making you do these things. The choice is yours and always has been under your control. 


Senior Head Instructor Brad Mears

Universal Kempo Karate Schools Association

at Frontier Elementary in Colorado Springs, CO

www.COSKarate.com

Is something standing in your way? Then fix it!

After I presented Take Control of Your Life in public for the first time, I was talking with a friend about it. He was interested in the six ways to lead a happier life but hadn't been able to attend the live session. As we were talking, he told me that he had recently made some changes in his life to accomplish some goals that are important to him.

What he told me was this - "I want to give myself the chance to meet more women and develop a long-term relationship. And I want to make sure I get in shape and healthy." After looking at the habits he had developed in his personal life, he realized that he spent a lot of time playing online role-playing games, like World of Warcraft. Those games can be a lot of fun but he realized that, in his case, it was an impediment to meeting new people. So he quit.

Now he says he is getting more done and feels like he can accomplish things that are more important to him.

He figured out what he wants, what he needs to do to get it and what was standing in his way. Then he took action. He strikes me as a pretty smart guy that knows ultimate control is in his own hands.

Take Control of Your Life: Six Ways to Lead a Happier Life

I can't teach you how to Get Rich in 30 Days, Buy Real Estate With No Money Down or Become More Attractive to the Opposite Sex. But I can share with you ways to set the foundation for gaining far greater rewards.
 
In these sessions, we'll discuss six key concepts that will put control of your life in your hands, where it belongs. These six concepts are simple to understand and free to implement. They are things you can start doing today and you will see results immediately.

 
Today's session is all about Getting Started. 


Getting Started – What Do Those Words Even Mean?

In order to Take Control of Your Life, you have to understand what that phrase means. Try this exercise: Say that phrase four times, putting the emphasis on each of the key words in turn:

Take Control of Your Life

First of all, understand that regaining control in your life is an active process. The verb "take" is not passive and you can't be either.

Take Control of Your Life

We aren't talking about taking notes about your life, taking stock of your life or observing your life. You can choose exactly how to lead your own life. 

Take Control of Your Life

This isn't about controlling the lives of others. You will learn to recognize the infinite control you have over your own happiness and that you cannot control others any more than they can control you.

 
Take Control of Your Life

A complete person knows how to balance personal relationships, professional obligations, long-term goals, recreational activities and their mental and physical health. You have to balance the whole package to truly feel in control of your life.


Senior Head Instructor Brad Mears

Universal Kempo Karate Schools Association

at Frontier Elementary in Colorado Springs, CO

www.COSKarate.com